It's been a long time since he'd stopped dreaming. He couldn't remember when exactly, and he could never know why.
He related his inability to dream any more to what was going on everywhere around him. People literally had lost their dreams, and this got into him as well. No one was dreaming of a better tomorrow. No one was having a personal dream. They were just accepting reality as it is. He could see this in their eyes, their words, their attitude and behavior.
For him, dreams were important. They were like short movies that entertained him, inspired him and gave some excitement to his boring life. And just like movies he dreamed of everything. There was horror, war, comedy, documentaries, biography, romance and even porn.
In one of his favorite songs, "Ruby Tuesday" by The Rolling Stones, there was a certain sentence in particular that had always touched a deep point in his heart:
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you will lose your mind, ain't life unkind!".
He understood the full meaning of this sentence after he had lost the ability to dream. He thought it was a temporary phase that will quickly end, but it didn't.
He stopped dreaming and gave up hope on getting his dreams back. Even sometimes he woke up in the morning knowing that he had a dream but he couldn't remember anything about it.
Until one day after a long time, he met her. He couldn't remember anything except her beautiful wide eyes, her long dark hair, and her amazing smile, and he felt love. He could hear her smile. Have you ever seen a smile that talks? He could hear her smile talking to him, but before he could say anything, he woke up.
This dream turned his life upside down. He woke up so happy for no particular reason. For the first time in ages he felt how good his morning coffee tasted, how wonderful the sun rays felt when touching his face, how beautiful life is. On his way to work, he kept smiling at himself in the bus, trying to remember where he had seen that dream girl before. He noticed other passengers gazing at him suspiciously so he stopped smiling. He knew how much he missed that feeling. Falling in love at first sight. Being unable to see anyone else but her, everyday, all day long. It's been years since he felt that way. He was happy even if she was just an imagination.
A couple of days passed, and he forgot about the dream and the mystery girl, then she came back again. That time the short movie was a little longer. He could hear her smile, taste her perfume, and smell the background music. A thousand new feelings rushed into his blood at the same time. She approached him, smiling, in a beautiful white dress, and a red rose in her hair. Although he couldn't clearly see her face but he saw her smile, and he heard what that smile had told him. He knew that she was his destiny, his fate. He felt paralyzed as she came closer, and as her smile grew bigger, he was smiling too, but that time he felt that not only his face was smiling, but his heart as well. He knew it was a dream but he wished he never woke up.
She kept visiting him from time to time, always smiling but never talking, and he spent his days looking for her everywhere, trying to guess where exactly he could have seen that smile. He was worried that she was just an imagination, and he kept blaming himself for always choosing to fall in love with the impossible, the unattainable, whether it's a relative who is too much older, a neighbor with a different religion, a friend with too many family problems, or a co-worker who is too rich, too "connected" and too beautiful to be attracted to a regular guy like him, or a less-than-average as he used to call himself. He had always been like that, looking for a challenge, for the impossible dream knowing that he would eventually lose at the end.
He searched everywhere with no clue, inspecting faces in the street where he lived, in the bus, near the bus stop, in the building where his office was, and he almost gave up.
One rainy day he was late at work, it got dark and he hated the fact that he had to walk to the bus stop in the dark muddy street. When he left the office it was still raining and his glasses were covered with raindrops. He was in a hurry and he didn't even bother to stop and wipe his glasses. He heard a speeding car coming nearby, but he couldn't see it hitting him.
After a few seconds of darkness, he felt the pain all over his body, he felt himself on the wet ground, unable to move, with the rusty taste of blood in his mouth. He heard the car door open, and someone getting out crying and gasping for air. It was a woman. He felt paralyzed as she came closer. She knelt beside him weeping, her white dress stained with blood and mud. He finally found the one he had been looking for. He knew she was his destiny. Now he knew why he could never see her face clearly in dreams.
She felt his face with her trembling hand, and he was able to feel her tender fingers with his lips. And before she said anything he just smiled at her and closed his eyes. He had no reason to wake up again.
And from the car radio that was still turned on, the last thing he heard was the end of R.E.M's song "Losing My Religion":
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
Just a dream
